Thursday, July 24, 2008

Givin' up the Funk

I've always hated when quick-fix designers on Trading Spaces or HGTV suggest to homeowners that they should paint their kitchen floor. So naturally I was not the happiest camper when we purchased a kitchen that not only needed tons of work but had a crazy painted floor. With all due respect to the person who must have spent hours completing this masterpiece, is this not the funkiest kitchen floor you've ever seen?

Usually when I use the word funky, I mean it in the more quirky, retro-kitschy, endearing sense. This is not one of those times. This floor is neither kitschy nor endearing. I am not amused when someone chooses to glue particle board over an original hardwood floor and paints it teal. And I'm truly baffled that said person would then make it so much worse by painting an uneven cream inset and stenciling teal-colored fruits within this frame. Ick, ick, ick. Not only that but the paint is so scuffed and grungy that when I drop a crumb on the floor, you can hear it fall but can't figure out where it landed. The slightest drip has become motivation enough to get out the Swiffer. A little splatter off the stove or a dropped piece of food disappears seamlessly among the teal peaches and berries below, only to be unpleasantly encountered during a barefoot trip to the refrigerator later that evening. Apparently, filth lends itself to this decor.

So with the carpet situation upstairs now under control, I'm feeling motivated to finally tackle that tackiness underfoot in the kitchen. We're planning a full remodel of the kitchen a few years from now, but that floor is screaming for a mini-makeover in the meantime. Perhaps inspired by my transformation of our downstairs bathroom with some simple peel-and-stick vinyl tile, my husband, Jon, bought a sample square of a lovely, sandy-colored, slatelike vinyl a while back to try in the kitchen. Hopefully, I can find this stuff again, but the closest match I'm finding is something like this. Basically, anything not stenciled, teal fruit will be a major step in refreshing the kitchen...and will certainly make the floor easier to keep clean. At this point, I'd prefer a flashing Saturday Night Fever disco floor to the one I have in there now. (Actually, not a bad idea...I already dance way too much in the kitchen when no one's looking.)

And speaking of disco and dancing, isn't it just delightful when you rediscover music you didn't know you had? I've never considered myself an ABBA fan, per se, and yet here I am still mindlessly bopping along to the earworm that is "Lay All Your Love on Me" ever since I saw Mamma Mia on Tuesday night. (The movie is something I'd highly recommend, by the way, if you have a place in your heart for campy musicals and aren't afraid to embrace a serious dose of silliness for the sake of entertainment. Besides, when is Meryl Streep anything less than amazing?) Anyway, I started poking through my CD collection yesterday and was elated to find that I had two volumes of Pure Disco (in addition to two volumes of Pure Funk, of course!) and, better yet, that one of them actually included "Lay All Your Love on Me." I know I didn't buy it originally for this song, but now there's just one more reason to bust out that disk, get down, and boogie-oogie-oogie (which I shamelessly did after hubby went to work last night). Maybe a good soundtrack for the task of tiling a kitchen floor? A couple caveats, though, as I'll probably be inclined to do slightly more dancing than tiling if I listen to this, and whether or not the hubs will be on board with vinyl tiling to ABBA is yet to be determined.

Hmmm...maybe this will have to be a solo project. I am, as it happens, fairly capable of installing your basic vinyl tile floor. I worked wonders with one of our bathroom floors, which had painted tile and indoor/outdoor carpeting (reminiscent of mini-golf courses) before I got my hands on it. It still needs the finishing touch of a shoe molding along the edge of the tub and cabinets, but not too shabby. This is my kind of funky.


Michelle said...

Good post! That old teal floor is funky. I loved the way your new bathroom floor turned out. Also, glad to hear that you enjoyed Mamma Mia. I'm not a big fan of musicals, but love Meryl, so can't resist the urge to see this one. Guess I'll have to go see it now.

Sharon said...

Crumbs amongst teal peaches and berries isn't what anyone needs in their kitchen :) I hope some former kitchen painter isn't weeping while reading your post. Looking forward to see what you replace the teal paint with!

Dawn said...

Wow is that really hand painted? How strange. I am just starting the whole home buying process and the hubby I think we are not going to a fixer-upper. I know they are cheaper, but I'm not all that motivated to renovate. Maybe if I was 20 again. Can't wait to see what the new floor will look like.

Carrie said...

Yep, the floor is actually particle board that has been glued over an original hardwood floor. (We pried it up in one spot and looked. EEK!) It's been painted and then stenciled with some kind of sponge-paint technique. I'm shuddering just thinking about it!

Anonymous said...

Love your blog Carrie! It made me smile to read your writing again! Don't worry about that silly floor, it will be gone soon!

Oh and by the way, I had a blog on this site 2 years ago but for some reason it won't let me post through it, even though it is still on the web. So now I'm going even further in the past and using my live journal. HA

Jena said...

ew. our kitchen is in desperate need of new lino, but since we're renting (and not for much longer at this place), there's not much we can or really want to do about it.

about the vinyl tile... it looks a bit like a grey version of what my mom installed in her new kitchen 15 years ago. her tiles (not the peel and stick kind) are painful to walk on with bare feet because of the edges and sharp corners. (not cut-into-you-leave-you-bleeding sharp, just hard on the feet.) is there a way to test the tiles barefoot before you install them?